In amongst all the shenanigans of the weekend me mate from the Emerald Isle suggested someone (🧐) ought to do an anonymous monthly article for ‘something like Derbyshire Life’ about the mad, bad, hilarious, awful and just plain weird shizzle that goes on ‘round ‘ere’ mostly after dark.
If i did it (😉) i’d call it
‘Down The Park After Dark’.
It’d go something like this
Sunday Night,
A cup of tea and a bowl of cereal at 10pm to take stock. Telling a friend how bonkers the weekend was. Fire tourism continues. Colleagues intercepted folks from London and Leeds on their way to the crags to light fires. A friend rang in a location for smoke on White Edge. Possibly the ‘camping incompetents’ of the year doing their best to emulate Bear Grylls. In their sliders.
Elsewhere four quads tore up the landscape. Another missing jigsaw piece that never got reported to the police rendering them unable to finish the jigsaw.
The end of the night sees a couple clad in denim using a ‘hind caller’ to interfere with the rut and attract stags to the edge of the B6054. They come regularly and have named the beasts. Are they then liable in law when one jumps the fence and interferes with Gaz in his Corsa making his way home from the late shift ? Asking for a friend.
Monday Evening
Monday evening read about Sunday night and said ‘hold my pint’. Snaking across the moors is a tarmac lane. On one 200 metre stretch of it lies the odd, the dead and the dead weird.
A car. We found it last night. The police were very interested in it. They’re still very interested in it, but not enough to move it. The occupants thought they were the Dukes of Hazard. They weren’t. They were stopped by a Duke’s gate.
Fifty metres away the evening sun reflects off an adder on the road. Squashed.
A bit further away a Rural Crime officer switches on his bodycam and explains that he and a ranger are about to lift a pink blanket off a disturbed area of earth. It stinks. They think. And look. And decide that someone has either killed a badger with their car or found a fresh roadkill. The vehicle driver then wrapped the badger in the blanket. Used sticks to dig it a shallow grave in the woods. Put the badger and some kids toys and a fabric rose in the hole. And put the blanket over it. It stinks. Dear reader just place roadkill in the hedgerows for the food cycle to sort. Minus the kids toys though.
I wonder what joys tonight will bring …
Yours,
our Roving Reporter
